We hereby revoke and repeal the Cougarbeat honors formerly bestowed upon the following parties:
- JOHNNY DEPP
- IAN SOMERHALDER
REASONS FOR REVOCATION
In the case of Mr. J. Depp, motivation for revocation of honors is as follows:
- TOO FREQUENTLY LIVING UP TO THE DESCRIPTION OF “ELDERLY GAY WINDCHIME,” AS FIRST NOTED BY MESSRS. TOM AND LORENZO.
- THE LONE RANGER SHIT.
In the case of Mr. I. Somerhalder, motivation for revocation of honors is as follows:
- UNCONTROLLED SMARMINESS.
- APPARENT HAIR FEATHERING.
- DEEPLY UNBUTTONED COLLARS WORN WITH TOO-TIGHT SUIT VESTS.
Until such time as Messrs. Depp and Somerhalder can demonstrate ample evidence of rectifying these behaviors, they are no longer endorsed by Cougarbeat.